"Five years have past; five summers, with the length
Of five long winters!"
William Wordsworth, "Tintern Abbey"
It is hard to believe it has now been five years since Dan passed on. This anniversary felt different for me than previous years; easier in some ways and poignantly painful in others. I have begun to live again in a way that I had not thought possible; at times feeling fully happy, like the happiness I had before Dan died. That reality, in truth, has caused me tears; feeling at a deep, motherly level, that it should be impossible for me to feel that way again; after all didn't I love him, really love him? How can it be possible for me to have hours, sometimes days, when missing Dan is not in the forefront of my mind, and something more; that I am happy that Dan is where I believe he is, and I am also content in knowing that I am meant to be here; he in his place and I in mine.
Of course I know that I did love him; that I do love him still, very much indeed. I also know that he still loves me, his dad, his brothers and sisters, and all those whom he knew, as well as those who have heard about him and ask for his intercession. There have been many signs of him quietly going about the work which I believe is his; to help prepare a place for us, so that we might one day be where he is, united forever! "Forever," that word has a power for me now that it did not previously have; what hope, what joy, to think of being with our loved ones again, only forever this time, or "out of time," an even better description!
Above in the photo is a plate which I found among some vintage items during the week of his anniversary. I reached for the plate which was completely covered with some of my favorite things; vintage buttons and ribbons, glass bottles, and of course fabric, because this plate was in the window of a great fabric store in the Strip District called Loom. I picked it up because I love polka dots, and red polka dots, even better! They were running around the edge of the plate and I just had to pick it up. To my surprise there was an elephant in the center, which has a lot of meaning for our family. This was a clear sign, a gift for me, "I am still with you mom, and thinking of you." I also believe he gives me the freedom to be fully, beautifully happy, until we meet again. Thank you Dan and thanks to all of you who have so steadfastly continued to pray for our family. It's working, don't stop now!