Good news, my first needlepoint project, the wintery robin, is finished! Now onto the second project, there's no time to waste when you're making things!
Look at the colors of this DMC Cotton that I'm using in my next project! I'm loving it! There are oranges, yellows and neutrals as well that I'll be using, as this is a BIG project. It is for a nursery wall hanging that has Mother Goose characters in a long column. I'm too lazy to get up and measure it, but believe me it's long! I think the figures will be a lot of fun to stitch because of the gorgeous colors, but just last night it dawned on me how much background there is to fill in! Oh well, it will surely last me through the summer, but that's okay because I enjoy the process of making it.
I think this last point is something that I've gotten better at as I've gotten older, and something that I've gained from this grieving experience. So much of our lives can be spent waiting for the result to feel good about the work involved, instead of valuing the experience of the work itself. This can be especially true of parenting. So much of our parenting, like other "American" endeavors, is goal oriented! I'll know I was a good parent when my child's a success. All the work, all that I did for that child, will be worth it when they become something!
Dan never became something! Thirteen years, even by our frenzied paced lives, isn't really enough time to become something. But what he was, is, and always will be to me is someone! Someone who I got to know; someone who shared his needs and heart with me. Someone who I didn't need to wait to find out what he would become, to know who he was.
Dan made it easy to enjoy and know him just as he was, and he conveyed the sense that he liked himself! I don't mean in a cocky or self-conceited way, rather one felt that he was enjoying himself in the moment, wherever and whatever he was doing. Everything was "happening" where Dan was; he wasn't waiting for something to happen to him.
I am so grateful to be able to write this about Dan; to be able to say that I knew him! It is not always like that when we are suddenly parted from those we love. Too many times we put most of our energies into what we believe or hope is coming down the line. The father who's never around now because he's validating his existence by climbing the corporate latter. The mom who's running a tight ship; who's doing it all; handling everything ..... only where are the down times? Can the dinner last for an hour because everyone is still shooting the breeze? Is it possible to drop everything and go sit at the pond while the kids fish?
You get the point. I'm not advocating chaotic homes and no schedules, but I am asking myself, "Do I know the people in my life; especially my family?" It's not enough to co-exist, get by, make it through until they are out of here! When we truly know someone, even if we have had to part too soon, the pain does not come from wondering what they would have become, because that can be imagined, it's the pain of not seeing it come to pass. And as painful as that is, it can't compare to the grief of not being able to imagine what they might have done , because we didn't take the time to know them while they were at our side!