Rebuilding our lives after a serious loss can be a balancing act. It took me a long time to feel as though I had somewhat of a grip on the situation. Everyone's situation is different; the circumstances of our loved one's death, the relationship we had with that person, how much their presence had affected our daily lives, and who is depending on us after our loss are all unique realities that have to be dealt with.
I hope to build different pages on this site which will relate specifically to the different phases and aspects of grief which I have experienced. I have felt this process mainly in terms of "years" since Dan died, but I am sure there are many other ways to interpret and express a person's grieving process. I hope to recall the particular difficulties and helps I experienced during these "years" with the hope that they might be beneficial for others in a similar circumstance.
Many people have asked me for advice on helping someone they love get through an unexpected or traumatic loss. I do believe there are concrete steps that can be taken to alleviate some of the burden. Of course there are no words or actions which can take away the pain, and I would venture to say that learning to live with this pain of loss is the hardest part and a task of a lifetime. However, the love in action from family and friends makes a world of difference in the way people recover from serious loss.
I am grateful that I have had immense support since our great loss. The balancing act that I am living is far from a solitary one. The healing really begins when we reach out to others for help and realize our great need. A lot of times the need is to just be with someone we feels knows us; someone whom we are allowed to feel the immense sorrow with; someone who accepts the reality of the grieving as a process which is not linear. Hopefully this happens from the very start, but no matter at what point we reach out for this help, remaining connected to others at a time when we may feel like isolating ourselves is very important for healing.